Authors: Bunny, SkyShock Sigma, Ten Count
BM: “GRRRRRRRRREETINGS bloodsports fans, and WELCOME back to Force Majeure! I am your host, Biceps McRumbleCrunch, and this is my partner, Flex Smashmaster!”
FS: “YEAH! CHECK OUT THESE MUSCLES, BABY! I’M ALPHA! I’M INTENSE! I’M GENETICALLY DIFFERENT BABY, YEAH!”
BM: “Ha ha, keep taking the shots, Flex! So we’ve got a packed house tonight, especially since those Walkers showed up, demolished a part of the arena and turned it into a tent city.”
FS: “WOO! THOSE WALKERS KNOW HOW TO PARTY! BUT THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT THESE MUSCLES! THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE ALPHA, BABY! NO WAY! HURRRRRNGH!”
BM: “That’s right, Flex! So let’s take a look at our special guest star for tonight - hey, who the fuck-”
Skyshock Sigma: “Hey boys, hey boys, got a joke for you two. What did the pineapple say the ProDyne Personnel operative?”
SS: “Fuck off for the night or I’ll eat your fucking hearts out!”
FS: “THAT’S THE WORST JOKE I’VE EVER HEARD FROM ANYBODY! YOU KNOW I-AAAUGH! THAT’S MY PATELLA! PLEASE STOP! I NEED MY BLOOD!”
BM: “What the shit?! You broke his fucking everything! Flex didn’t even owe you anything!”
SS: “I got bored. Shoulda got out of our seats quicker.”
10 Count: “Want to do the honours, sis?”
SS: “As the only one with any real honour… GREETINGS BLOODSPORT FANS AND WELCOME, FOR REAL THIS TIME, TO FORCE MAJEURE! I’m your new host, “Lux” van Oren; with me is “Ten Count” Markowitz; and you better strap yourselves in, boys and girls, because this is A CLASSIC MARGIN DRIVER HOSTILE TAKEOVER!”
Once upon a time there was a Bunny. The Bunny had just gone to a nice place and met lots of lovely people, and some awful people but it didn’t think about them much. It had met an old friend, and a new person who thought they could learn something from the Bunny, but right now the Bunny was thinking about a different person. They had big muscles and long hair and wore lots of leather, and the Bunny liked looking at them very much. The Bunny liked touching them even more, and after they had kissed the Bunny in front of lots of people the Bunny brain had gone all nice and fizzy for a while. Every time the Bunny saw the nice man with the muscles it wanted him to give it more attention. But the nice man had been busy with other things.
Then the Bunny had a really good idea. And right now it was following through on that idea by jamming a pipe into the chest of a thing that might have been considered human before the muscles swelled to the point where they obscured all identifying features. The Bunny hoisted the mostly-dead muscle thing up over its head and made sure the blood poured out of the pipe onto the floor. It walked around a bit until the blood had spelled a big ‘F’ on the floor.
The nice man would be sure to notice him now.
10C: “Wait, we gatecrashed your boyfriend’s place to do commentary on HIM?”
SS: “No, we- first of all, fuck off- we came to Trojan’s place because it’s Family Debt Collection Night and it was my turn to choose whose ankles we broke. And maybe a little bit for the commentary. You’ll love it.”
10C: “He burned my fucking Ziggy Meth lab to the ground and held a rave among the flames!”
SS: “Shut your mouth and watch the show, bro.”
The Bunny wandered happily on through the shiny, colourful streets. It laughed as it saw pictures of it smashing the huge muscle beast. That had been funny. Then some strangely-dressed people with neon barbed wire wrapped around their arms jumped out of an alleyway. The Bunny assumed that they wanted to fight. Almost everyone here seemed to want to kill everyone else. The whole place was very Red.
10C: “Is that maniac actually fighting with a lead pipe? A lead pipe?”
SS: “Hells yeah! Who needs fancy weapons when you can cause chaos with a bit of pipe?”
10C: “Urrgh. For those of you who haven’t been keeping up with news from the Nexus, Bunny is one of the legions of Shapers who’ve- don’t make that noise at me, Lux!- who’ve forged Obsessions with Trojan Force and clearly this is his sad little attempt to somehow emulate his hero’s rampages. If it weren’t so pathetic, it’d be pathetic.”
SS: “You are without a doubt the WORST commentator, this shit is INCREDIBLE!”
10C: “Is any of what I said false?”
SS: “The WORST.”
The tiniest one out of the mob charged forward screaming. The Bunny looked at them with a faint expression of interest until they were almost in arm’s reach, then brought the pipe down on the top of their head. There was a splat, and brains went all over the place. The sound of the crowds got louder.
The rest of the gang swarmed in towards the Bunny, howling slogans and aggressive hashtags. The Bunny unleashed its own warcry and barrelled forwards into the centre of the mob. Barbed wire scraped against the leather of its coat and drew lines of blood from its skin. The Bunny didn’t mind too much. The blood was warm and flowing and the cuts made it feel alive. The pipe swung in a wide arc, shattering both of the legs of one of the attackers. As they fell, the Bunny hooked two fingers into their nostrils and flipped them neatly over to land on one of their fellows. As they screamed and thrashed about, the Bunny smashed another of the assailants in the face a bunch of times as the others tried to stop them. The Bunny laughed a lot. This was fun.
10C “And the Walkers in the crowd are starting to fight among themselves. I hope Orb-Weaver’s in there somewhere.”
SS: “Aw, maaan, this takes me back, bro! Like when me and Madame Kayono went two-on-ten against seNsECorP! Hot damn that was a good night…”
10C: “Are you armed?”
SS: “For once in my life, no, I figu- wait, you didn’t bring anything either?”
10C: “Fuck’s sake, Sky, I want to go join the riot!”
SS: “Harry, you literally have claws.”
10C: “... back in a bit.”
The Bunny was very happy. Lots of new friends had showed up to help with the rampage. There were even some giant carnivorous rabbits there, some of which breathed fire. That was good. The Bunny was happily wandering through the streets, smashing things and setting fires. There were some enormous video screens that made pretty showers of sparks when they collapsed. Some of them were showing pictures of Trojan Force, so the Bunny told everyone to stop trashing those. Those were nice.
Then the Bunny had a great idea. The Bunny thought of it as they were leading the horde towards another mob of equally violent drugged-up lunatics. The whorls of someone’s intestines made a really pretty pattern on the wall they had stuck to. The owner of those intestines seemed to be either okay or too high on UltraMeth to notice that they were missing some fairly crucial bits, so the Bunny didn’t worry about them too much.
It was difficult to get the rampaging mob to listen, and even more difficult to find a street map from somewhere, but it was going to be worthwhile. This idea was the best idea ever.
SS: “...you’re just tuning in now, first off, the fuck is wrong with you, but also Bunny the Walker is leading that mob in torching their w- oh, welcome back, maniac, you happy now?”
10C: “Much, thank you. I picked this up, think it goes with the suit?”
SS: “That is a spine.”
10C: “That is not answering my question.”
SS: “Honestly, I’m just upset you didn’t think to bring anything back for me.”
The streets burned in the shape of a giant heart. The Bunny was very proud of this idea. Trojan Force would definitely notice him now.